“I’m no longer a slave to fear”

Bethel song sums up my experience

What’s your biggest fear? For me, it’s been my health. In recent years, I’ve had some nagging health nuisances—little things that, over time, developed into bigger issues. I’ve been sent to the hospital, had repeat blood workups, and seen my practitioner’s head turn sideways, perplexed. In short, in the last few years, my immune system had seen better days.

Notice my verb tense: had not has. I am working on treating this as a thing of the recent past, not the present. But I’ll get to that shortly.

Amid my health fears, I was called to Mexico this summer. It was a short-term mission. We were to build a house. Four days across the border.

“Just don’t drink the water,” everyone felt the need to warn, adding cautious laughter that told me they had experience to back up their advice. It was true: most people I talked to shared some sort of story about themselves or someone they were with getting sick after a momentary negligence in judgment while traveling south of the border—they ate a salad or partook in a drink that contained ice. We’ve all heard the stories.

As such, the water became my biggest concern for the upcoming trip—not how we were going to build a house in just two days or how the three adults would keep the eight minors who were in our care safe while in a city with the highest murder rate in the world. (A 2022 statistic, mind you, not some arbitrary baseless thing of the past. Granted, I caught wind of that ranking while writing this article, not prior to embarking on the trip, thankfully.)

Regardless, I knew we were well taken care of by our mission agency: YWAM and its ministry wing, Homes of Hope. I had been a part of other mission and cultural experiences that proved to be some of the most beautiful, powerful, and spiritually impactful experiences of my life. So no, it wasn’t the logistics, the being in a new culture, the language barrier, or the crime rate that was taking up my brain space, but rather the most basic necessity that sustains life on earth: H20.

Would my body hold up? Would my seemingly less than ideal immune system cooperate? Or would it flake out at the smallest exposure to germ?

I couldn’t know. The result wasn’t in my hands. I could be diligent in the care of my body leading up to our travels, but ultimately, the outcome of my health was outside of my control. The truth is, it always is to some extent.

In my own everyday life, I had aided my fear and desire for control with sanitizers, over-washing, and restricting certain foods and beverages from going into my body. This time, I would just have to trust. I would have to rely on prayer—mine as well as the prayer of those willing to take it to God for me. We even anointed with oil, a Biblically-based practice that was new for me.

The week before we departed on our journey to Tijuana, Mexico, we held our final team meeting. There in my living room, with our students and adult leaders gathered around, each with our fears sitting there beside us, I listed the Ebenezers, the “thus far, God has been with us” moments (a concept from 1 Samuel 7) for our team. There were many:

• During the planning phase, we had endured a difficult change of leadership in our student ministry and yet didn’t give up on saying yes to this trip. We pressed on.

• One of our fundraisers was a parent night out. Having planned an elaborate carnival for our kids’ ministry, we were bummed to learn that with just three days left until the event, only 12 kids were signed up; it didn’t seem like it would be the return on investment we had hoped it would be. Simultaneously, I came across a woman of faith in our church who was soliciting prayer requests from her followers on Facebook. (Let’s pause for a second. Don’t you just love those people? Like, who got time to pray for simple acquaintances beyond close family and friends?) Nevertheless, I typed out a response to my friend with our need. She typed back a beautiful and powerful prayer for our team. Within 72 hours, we went from having 12 kids signed up to tripling that number at 36. Praise God for answered prayer over Facebook Messenger.

• A student’s passport application experienced some complications in the filing process. On a hope and a prayer, her mom and I decided to make the final payment on our group flight reservation anyway. By the end of the same weekend, her passport arrived in the mailbox. It was like God was just telling us that this trip would be fueled by faith, not by sight. We wouldn’t have every step laid out on the path before us. Just take the next step you see in front of you that I’ve given you to take, he gently instructs. Then, I’ll give you the next one.

These were just some of our Ebenezers—our reminders that we have a “Rock of Help” in Jesus (1 Samual 7:12). I decided to cling to these. By the way, I had another health scare the week leading up to leaving for the trip. I despised the thought of having to go on antibiotics and disrupt what little gut health I may have had to help fight off any pending exposure to contaminated water. The results came back negative. Praise God. He hears. He is capable of answering all prayers.

What’s more, I did not get sick on the trip. God preserved my health, and I was able to enjoy every last bit of the experience. Our build sight involved extremely high temperatures, profuse sweating, a port-a-potty for a bathroom, sticky paint, old trash, saw dust flying around, and no hand-washing stations—just baby wipes and the travel-sized sanitizers I brought with us.

We got dirty and sweaty. We picked up old trash that was peaking out under layers of dirt. We wiped the dried paint off our weathered hands, blessed our food, and ate lunch…with our hands. It was miraculous and freeing, scary and awesome all at the same time.

In the evenings, after our long days of building, we sat in the meeting room back on our base and were washed in live worship led by Jeshua, one of the Homes of Hope Missionaries in Tijuana. Choosing songs he knew we would know, he began strumming the guitar and singing the opening lyrics to “No Longer Slaves” by Bethel Music. Here are the main lyrics of the chorus:

I’m no longer a slave to fear,

I am a child of God.”

And the bridge:

“You split the sea

So I could walk right through it

My fears are drowned in perfect love

You rescued me

So I could stand and say

I am a child of God.”

That’s it, that became my anthem for this trip. The lyrics sum up my experience with God. All along I thought I was planning this mission experience so that we could help people and so my kids would gain a new perspective. It turns out, the trip was for me.

As we walked with our luggage across the border from Mexico back to the United States, we turned the corner into the customs area featuring a big sign with individual silver block letters spelling “The United States of America” all across the top. I looked at my husband and the words spilled out, “I’m not sure I want to go back.” Still, the line kept moving, and hesitantly, I kept walking toward the gate. There in that moment, as I approached the line between two countries, I asked God to help me remember the newest entry in my list of Ebenezers: I am no longer a slave to fear over my health. Help me, Lord, to trust you. Help me to think twice before worrying, before double washing, before letting an OCD habit rule over me.

And God’s not bound by time, circumstance, or place. I am quick to forget, but he is not. What would you know, but the same song, the one we had sung in Mexico, led by our Mexican friend, Jeshua, was the same song played at my American church the week I returned to the States. I wept. God is good, and I am not the same.

What are your life’s Ebenezers? Do you have a space set aside to keep an ongoing record of them? Mine are kept in an Evernote in my phone. Leave a comment and share with us. 

Interested in more Ebenezer stories from Something Like Scales? JOIN the EMAIL LIST to receive Something Like Scales’ monthly newsletter. Until then, read one of my first Ebenezer stories recorded on the blog: When a Big God Shows Up in your Small Life

POSTED BY

Jenna

Jenna Kruse is a teacher but not in a classroom. She loves to think outside the box and inside the Word and is daily in need of an attitude adjustment. She is a wife to Justin, a mother to three children ages 10, 8 and 5 and a mentor to teenagers and young adults. You can learn more about the heart behind her blog HERE.

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